


running around chasing hearts, chasing bodies to fix the parts

by passengers



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Blink and you'll miss it, M/M, because they make him money, bit of violence/bit of blood, everybody is, except tk, mob!au, simmers is done with them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:38:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22930105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/passengers/pseuds/passengers
Summary: Feelings are complicated things.Especially when you're in the mob.
Relationships: Nico Hischier/Nolan Patrick, Travis Konecny & Nolan Patrick
Comments: 8
Kudos: 72





	running around chasing hearts, chasing bodies to fix the parts

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU FOUND THIS GOOGLING, KNOW ANYONE MENTIONED HERE PERSONALLY, OR ARE MENTIONED YOURSELF: please, please, PLEASE (please) close the tab. This is just a work of fiction.

“Where is he?” Nolan asked. His heart was beating fast, but he was used to it.

Simmers didn’t say anything, he just sighed and opened the door, letting him in after sending a warning glare his way. As if that had ever stopped Nolan before.

“He’s fine,” Wood said as soon as he saw him.

Nolan pushed him against the wall, his hands tightening on his blue shirt.

“What the hell happened?”

“We were attacked, but he’s fine, just a scratch,” he said, not even trying to dislodge his hold.

For a moment, Nolan wished he would, anything to pick a fight, to relieve some of the adrenaline that was coursing through his veins.

His hands started shaking and he briefly wondered if breaking Wood’s nose would make him feel better.

“I’m fine,” the little shit said.

Nolan turned around so fast he felt dizzy and looked him up and down. He _looked_ fine, but he didn’t trust him. The same way he didn’t trust Wood anymore.

Nico’s arm was dressed with white gauze, but the wound had started bleeding again judging by the bright red stain.

In three strides, he was right in his face.

“What the hell happened?”

Nico sighed and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him towards his bedroom, where Subban was keeping watch. He didn’t meet his eyes when he passed right by him, but Nolan saw him smiling. He knew what everyone thought of him and he didn’t care.

He had grown up with Nico. His own family had been killed when he was a kid and he had been adopted by a family friend. It didn’t take him long to realize said friend worked for the mob. By then, Nolan didn’t care. He had a warm bed, a safe place to live and food over the table. He had a loving family. And Giroux had promised to teach him how to shoot a gun.

And then he had met Nico.

If his parents’ deaths had turned his world upside down, meeting Nico had set him in a path that had felt fated at the time but that Nolan wouldn’t have changed a thing had he had the chance to do so.

The son of the biggest mob boss this side of the world, Nico was charismatic and fun and smart where Nolan was quiet, dull and simple. Nico liked parties and people. Nolan preferred the quiet of his room and his own company. Nico charmed people to do his bidding, Nolan threatened them with his gun.

They couldn’t be any more different, but they got along. So when his previous bodyguard had died and Boyle had asked Nolan who he thought they should appoint as the new person in charge of his son, Nolan had volunteered himself and never looked back.

Still, he was human and he needed to take days off according to Boyle and Giroux. And that’s what had happened. Nolan hadn’t been guarding Nico, and he had gotten hurt. More ammunition for him to use against Boyle next time he suggested Nolan took some time off.

And he knew what it looked like, he knew what everyone whispered behind his back (though PK, Simmers, Jake and TK enjoyed whispering those things _at_ him), he knew Nico _knew_. But he didn’t care. Because contrary to what everyone else thought, Nolan knew Nico better than anyone else. He knew him at his best and at his worst. He had been next to him when his mom had passed away and the first time he had killed someone. He had been with him when Nico had closed his first big deal. Nolan knew all his smiles and every single quirk.

But that didn’t mean they were sleeping together, no matter how much TK and PK nagged him about it.

“Don’t say it,” Nico said. He sat down on his bed and pulled Nolan next to him.

“I’m never again taking a day off.”

Nico rolled his eyes. They had been over this.

“Dad will never allow that.”

“I don’t care,” he said, obstinate. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’m fine.”

“What happened?” Nolan asked, tense.

“We went dancing, we were having a good time, Wood had everything under control,” Nico said, “so don’t you dare get in his face about this.” He shook his head. “We were dancing and, suddenly, they were all over me. Hallsy got the worst of it.”

And Nolan should care, but he couldn’t, not right now. Usually, he tolerated Hall. He didn’t really have a choice, he had found him on Nico’s bed too many times, and Nico had never let him kick him out or shoot him, so Nolan… he accepted Taylor was part of Nico’s life and didn’t pay him much attention. Tonight, he didn’t even spare him a single thought.

“Let me see,” he said and grabbed his arm carefully.

Nolan touched the dressing softly, watching Nico’s face the entire time for any sign of discomfort, but Nico was too busy looking at him.

“Who called you?”

“PK,” Nolan said. “What did Jake say? When do you have to clean it again? What about changing the gauze?”

Nico shook his head.

“It’s fine. He said he’ll check it tomorrow. And PK shouldn’t have called you. It was your first day off in months, and I’m okay.”

And the last one if he had any say on the matter.

“But I’m glad he did,” Nico said, resting his head on his shoulder.

Nolan felt all anger leave his body. If he knew Nico better than anyone, Nico could say the same about him. He knew how to make Nolan angry and how to make him smile. Especially, he knew how to bring Nolan to his fucking knees.

For a couple of minutes, he let himself have this. He breathed in and out and heard Nico do the same. He was warm, he was whole. It was enough.

“I have to check something with PK,” Nolan said when the itch on his fingers became unbearable. He didn’t let himself touch Nico because he knew he’d never be able to stop if he did.

Nico sighed against his neck.

“Fine,” he said. He sounded practically asleep. “But you’re coming back right after.”

“Okay,” Nolan said. He had no intention of doing that.

Still, Nico didn’t move. Nolan nudged him and nodded towards the bed.

“Get in.”

He pushed the sheets back and waited for Nico to lay down back again to cover him and tuck him in.

“You’re staying the night,” Nico yawned.

“Be right back,” Nolan said, letting go of his hand and walking towards the door.

He turned the light off and closed the door behind him.

“Back so soon, Prince Charming?” PK asked without even looking at him. “Taylor is not coming back and he’s going to need someone to keep him busy. You know how he gets when he’s alone.”

Nolan wondered if he could muster the energy to punch him in the face, but decided against it. He felt bone-tired and he liked PK even if he sometimes got on his nerves.

“How is he?”

“Taylor?” PK asked. “Couple of broken ribs, some cuts here and there, a split lip and a black eye.” He shrugged. “He threw himself at the attackers and bought Wood enough time to get there.”

So he was good for something, Nolan thought darkly.

“Can you relax for once in your life, Patty?”

“Nico was just attacked and you want me to relax?”

“It was just a cut, the brat king will live.”

Nolan shook his head.

“They got too close,” he said. “It’s unacceptable.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I wasn’t there.”

“My point exactly.”

“I _should_ have been there.”

PK thumped his head against the wall.

“You can’t work all the time. I know you’re good, but you’re human.”

And he knew that. Logically, PK and Giroux and Boyle were right. But they had gotten close and Nolan hadn’t been _there_. And he didn’t know what else to do but blame himself. If he accepted nobody was perfect, if he accepted it was likely that someone would get close again and hurt Nico, he would be lost.

“I don’t know what to do.”

PK patted him on the shoulder.

“Rest. And cut yourself some slack.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“Go back to your little king and let me handle the security for one night, man.”

Nolan wished he could, he wished he could make his hand move, open the door and lay down next to Nico. But he couldn’t.

“I can’t.”

PK sighed and patted his cheek twice.

“I knew you’d say that. Go and talk to your dad, then,” he said. “But for the record? I would just stay with him tonight. You both need it.”

Nolan got his phone out of his pocket and dialled Giroux’s number while he walked towards the window. It was late, the sky dark, but the house was completely illuminated and he could see people moving on the garden.

“Hey,” he said when Giroux picked up.

“How is he?”

“It’s just a scratch.”

“That’s good,” G said. “Did they get anyone alive?”

“PK said Gost is handling it.”

“Good choice. Gost can make even the dead talk.”

“I know,” Nolan said.

“What’s really bothering you, kiddo?”

“I wasn’t there,” Nolan whispered, choking back tears. “He was hurt and I wasn’t there.”

“You can’t change the past,” G said. “There’s nothing you can do about it, but you can be there for him now.”

Nolan nodded even though he knew G couldn’t see him.

“Get some sleep, kiddo,” he said. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“Thanks, G.”

He didn’t say anything, but Nolan could hear the smile over the phone. He hung up and rested his head against the window, debating what to do.

Someone cleared his throat behind him and pulled him out of his thoughts.

Nolan turned around and found Nico staring at him. His hair was a mess and he still had pillow marks on his cheek, but his brown eyes were alert. And fixed on him.

“You said you were coming back.”

“Right,” Nolan said, but before he could come up with an excuse to stay away, Nico grabbed his hoodie and started walking. Nolan had no choice but to follow.

“Shut up,” he whispered when PK smiled knowingly at him.

“Nobody is allowed in here,” Nico said.

“Gotcha, little king,” PK said, and Nico closed the door on his smirk.

It was dark inside the room, but Nolan knew it like the back of his hand.

Still, Nico held onto him and moved towards the bed.

“Shoes off,” he ordered, and Nolan swallowed. “My arm hurts and the painkillers are making me dizzy, but I will kneel and get them off myself, Nolan.”

“Stop it,” he said and took his shoes off.

“Hoodie and trousers off.”

“Nico–”

“No, shut up. No jeans in bed,” he said and started working on his belt.

Nolan pulled his hands away before he had a heart attack.

“Are you seriously pulling the shy card with me?” he said. “I’ve seen you naked before.”

Yes, he had, but that didn’t mean Nolan enjoyed being naked in front of him. Not when he was not allowed to touch, when he was forced to keep his distance and his feelings to himself, his entire body hurting with the need to get closer.

Nico went for his belt again and Nolan made him sit on the bed.

“Stop it, brat.”

“You’ve got three seconds before I do it myself.”

Nolan was pretty sure he could wrestle Nico and win, but the truth was he always lost when it came to him, so he might as well just give in and save himself the headache later.

He took his belt off and pulled his jeans off, blushing the entire time. He knew the room was completely dark, but Nico _knew_ him, so he obviously knew Nolan was blushing, and that made it even worse.

When his hoodie hit the floor, Nico grabbed his t-shirt and brought him closer.

“Come on, I’m tired.”

“Then get in the bed.”

“You first,” he said, and then yawned so big Nolan saw all his teeth. “I don’t trust you won’t run away again.”

Once Nolan was under the sheets, Nico got in and draped himself all over him.

They used to cuddle when they were younger before Nico started inviting strangers (and not so strangers) into his bed, when Nolan was the only one who knew what he looked like first thing in the morning, all soft angles and rumpled hair from sleep.

Those days were long gone, especially because Nolan had become really good at protecting Nico and at running away from him.

Nico was warm and everything Nolan wanted and couldn’t have.

“Nols–” he said, and in his voice, he heard a world of unsaid words and fears.

He put his hand in his hair and the other on his back, keeping him close even though it wasn’t possible for them to get closer.

“I’m here,” he said.

“Please stay,” he whispered.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. And he meant it.

-/-

Two knocks on the door woke him up. He blinked groggily and yawned, waiting for his brain to come back online.

The knock came again and Nico sighed against his neck. Nolan’s heart skipped a beat and he remembered last night. He wasn’t supposed to be here, so he tried to sit up, but Nico tightened his hold on him.

“No,” he said. “You promised.”

And yes, Nolan had promised to stay the night, but it was already morning.

“Are you up?” PK asked from the other side of the door.

“No,” Nico said, loud enough to carry. “Half an hour.”

He climbed half on top of Nolan, his head on his chest, their legs a mess of tangled limbs. Nolan had no choice but to stay still. Nico grabbed his hand and put it in his hair, the other on his back and glared at him until Nolan sighed and got with the program. Only then he settled, smiling against his chest.

“Half an hour,” Nico said.

“What are we supposed to do for half an hour?” Nolan asked, sleep long forgotten.

“Oh, I have a couple of ideas,” he smirked.

Nolan wanted to die.

Half an hour later, the knocks came again.

“Time’s up, brat king,” PK said. “Breakfast is here.”

“More importantly, I’m here,” Jake said, opening the door and coming inside.

Nolan groaned when Jake pulled the curtains aside and the morning light came flooding in.

Nico hid his face on Nolan’s chest and made a displeased sound.

“Make him go away,” he said, nosing along his chest.

“Nop,” Jake said, sitting heavily on the bed. “I need to check your arm.”

“It’s fine.”

“Have you participated in strenuous activities in the last couple of hours?” Jake asked.

“Define ‘strenuous,’” Nico said, trying to climb higher on Nolan’s body.

“No, he hasn’t,” Nolan said, pushing him gently aside.

“Where are you going?”

“You need to get checked out and I need a shower,” he said.

He didn’t need to look at him to know Nico was pouting. He grabbed his jeans and put them on quickly. With his shoes in his hands, he walked out of the room.

PK was laughing on TK’s shoulder and Simmers was watching disapprovingly.

“What?” Nolan said.

“The walk of shame,” TK said, laughing, and for a second, Nolan considered getting a new friend. “I never thought I’d see the day someone would kick Patty out of their bed, he’s so pretty.”

“He didn’t kick me out,” he said, blushing furiously.

“Oh, so you’re walking away, nice,” PK said, still laughing.

“I need a shower,” he said and started walking again.

“A cold one, bud,” TK said.

Nolan was definitely getting new friends.

-/-

“No,” Boyle said.

“I didn’t say anything,” Nolan said, looking up from his phone. He risked a glance Giroux’s way, but his face gave nothing away.

“You didn’t have to.”

“O-kay?”

“You’re not getting more shifts, Nolan.”

Oh, he thought. For a moment, he had forgotten Boyle read minds. Or maybe he could read Nolan, which was a problem, because Boyle was really good with a gun and Nolan was really good at thinking indecent thoughts about his son. Fighting was useless, so he went back to scrolling through his phone. He was good at hiding what he felt, his hands weren’t shaking and he knew he looked bored as hell. Still, Simmers patted him on the back.

Nolan didn’t appreciate the gesture. He was fine.

“The guy we got didn’t know much.”

“They knew where Nico would be, though,” Simmers said.

“Gost worked on him the entire night,” Boyle said, looking calmly out of the window. “He only said ‘he told us where the kid would be.’”

“Well,” Giroux said. “Nico won’t like it that they keep calling him ‘kid.’”

Nolan looked at him. “I can’t be the only one who’s thinking there’s a mole.”

Boyle, Simmers and G looked at him.

“We already knew that, Patty,” Simmers said.

That took him aback.

“And nobody thought I should know? That Nico should know?”

“We were handling it,” Boyle said.

“Badly.”

“We didn’t know,” Giroux said, looking at Boyle. “We suspected. _Now_, we know.”

“Congrats, and you only had to endanger your son,” Nolan said, sarcastic.

“We knew the risks we were taking.”

“You did, but Nico didn’t.”

The silence that followed didn’t sit well with Nolan.

“What?” he asked. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Simmers shook his head.

“I told you,” he said, shaking his head. He looked guilty and angry at the same time.

“Nico knew,” Nolan whispered.

“Yeah,” G said. “He did.”

Nolan pocketed his phone and stood up slowly.

“Nolan,” G tried.

“Shut up,” he snarled and left the room.

Next thing he knew, he was opening the door to Nico’s room, shaking with anger.

Not even the sight of Nico playing with Taylor’s hair made him feel anything anymore.

“Nolan–”

“You knew,” he said. “You fucking knew and you didn’t tell me.”

“They told you,” he said. He sounded sad, but not sorry. And Nolan didn’t know what was worse.

He shook his head.

“You put yourself at risk.”

“Because we needed to know who the mole was.”

“How did that work out for you, huh?”

“We’re getting closer.”

“So you’re just going to keep playing bait?”

“It’s the only way.”

Nolan couldn’t believe this.

“You put yourself at risk all the time while guarding me,” Nico said, annoyed. “Why can’t I do the same?”

“Because you’re important!”

“You’re important too,” he said, frowning.

“I can’t do this,” he said.

“You never do,” Nico said, laughing. “You hate arguing with me because you know I’m right.”

“You’re not,” Nolan said. “But I’m not doing this anymore.” He pointed at both of them. “This– I can’t keep you safe when you keep secrets from me.”

“Well, now you know,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t trust you anymore,” Nolan said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he said, sitting straight.

Taylor was looking from Nico to Nolan as if it was a tennis match, but Nolan didn’t have the energy to focus on how high his hand was resting on Nico’s thigh.

“I asked Boyle for a change of assignment. Good luck with your new bodyguard,” he said and left the room.

He fired a text with shaking hands and went out for a walk. He couldn’t stand being in the same house as Nico right now.

-/-

A month later, Nolan was cleaning his gun on the kitchen table when TK came in.

“Hey, bud,” he said, and collapsed on the chair next to him.

“You okay?”

“No,” he said, resting his head over his arms on the table. “I know I screwed up the Illia assignment, but do you think Boyle would let me do something else?”

“You didn’t screw up that assignment, that’s why they gave you the promotion.”

“No, I must have screwed it up somehow because guarding that little shit is the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

“He’s not so bad,” Nolan said without looking at him. The best way to deal with this had been to detach himself and think of Nico only as a charge.

“Then volunteer to guard him again.”

“No, thank you,” Nolan said a bit too quickly.

“How’s your assignment going?”

“Fine, Boyle only goes from the house to meetings. It’s kind of boring actually.”

“Wanna change?”

“Nop.”

“Pretty please?”

“Your puppy eyes don’t work on me.”

“I’ve had to listen to him have sex almost every night,” he complained. “The kid is insatiable.”

“Sorry, bud.”

“How are you holding on?”

“I’m fine,” he said.

The problem was TK knew him really well. He kicked him softly under the table.

Nolan was fine.

That’s why when the door opened and Nico came in, his white neck covered in hickeys and dark bags under his eyes, Nolan didn’t blink even if his heart did skip a beat.

“Morning, sunshine,” TK said. “Anything I can get for you? Something to drink, a snack, a condom?”

Nolan forced his eyes back to his gun after nodding in Nico’s direction.

The last month had been challenging to say the least. They had spent their entire lives together and now they barely saw each other. Nolan made sure he didn’t have time to have dinner with Boyle and Giroux and to miss breakfast every day, so he only saw Nico when he crossed him in some hallway.

He was fine.

Judging by Nico’s scowl, he was fine too.

“We’re going out tonight,” Nico said, and Nolan didn’t acknowledge it, he didn’t need it, he wasn’t in charge of Nico anymore.

“Sure. Anywhere in particular?” TK asked in a cheerful voice.

Nolan could tell he was considering shooting himself in the leg to get out of this, so he pulled the gun away. TK glared at him for his troubles.

“New job keeping you busy?” Nico asked, ignoring TK.

TK kicked him under the table as if Nolan hadn’t heard him.

“Busy enough.”

“Is that why you’re missing family dinners? And breakfasts?”

“Odd hours,” Nolan said.

“Right,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Except I know for a fact that’s not true because my dad makes it to all the family meetings.”

“There’s more to this job than just watching over your assignment.”

“When you were watching me, you always made it on time.”

“Maybe I made an effort.”

“Not anymore apparently.”

“Definitely not,” Nolan said.

“I don’t owe you the truth.”

Nolan would disagree. He could always say it was his life on the line too, but they both knew Nolan thought Nico’s was more important than his, so it was a moot argument.

“And I don’t owe you my time,” Nolan said. he grabbed everything and left the kitchen.

And this is why he had made it a habit to avoid running into him at all costs. Despite Boyle’s insistence that he should talk to Nico and Giroux’s vague threats and judgemental eyes, Nolan couldn’t.

It hurt too much.

-/-

Nolan hadn’t been lying when he had said watching over Boyle was easier. He did go from the house to his meetings, never late for an appointment, never doing anything reckless. Technically, it was the safest job in the organization. Except maybe for the cleaning guys. They only had to dispose of the bodies. Dead people usually couldn’t shoot back.

And that’s why Nolan was cursing now.

Not because he had run out of bullets or because he was bleeding heavily from the wound in his shoulder –which, by the way, nice shot, asshole– but because this was supposed to be easy. To everyone who had asked, he had said he preferred this job and not the dim-lit bars and the loud clubs Nico favoured.

So, of course, his own words had come to bite him in the ass.

The meeting had gone well enough and the place had been checked before Boyle arrived. But as soon as the other mob boss had left in his car, the bullets had started raining down on them.

This mole business was getting on his nerves.

Nolan took down most of the shooters, and Boyle helped him, but they were pinned. Sooner or later, the shooters would realize they had run out of bullets. He only hoped help got here first.

No such luck apparently.

The shots stopped completely and Boyle looked at Nolan. He had to blink three times to clear the clouds from his vision, but the expression on Boyle’s face didn’t help. This wasn’t good. Not that he needed Boyle’s grim expression to determine that. But. Still.

“Nico is going to fucking murder me,” he whispered.

“Yes,” Nolan said, “so you better not die.”

He tried to focus and pin the shooters, but everything was eerily quiet as if the world had just stopped. There was broken glass everywhere, so they wouldn’t be able to move undetected. But Nolan was losing too much blood too fast and he didn’t know how long he’d stay conscious.

“No,” Boyle said and touched his shoulder.

A wave of pain hit him so hard Nolan blacked out for a moment.

When he regained his senses, pain, dizziness and everything, he heard the crunch of broken glass under boots.

They were on the move.

He’d be able to at least buy Boyle some time. He hoped help was almost here because he could barely move, so the only time he’d buy would be by throwing his heavy body at someone.

Which he did as soon as he heard the shooter getting close.

He tried to punch him with his good arm, but the guy pushed him away and Nolan fell heavily to the side, groaning in pain.

There was a shot that rang too loud in the empty room and he felt sick to his stomach for a moment before he saw the shooter fall to his knees and then face-first on the floor next to him, blood pulling from the hole in his head.

Nico was standing behind him, stony expression on his face, arm steady.

“Thank fuck,” Nolan said. He closed his eyes and didn’t open them again.

-/-

When Nolan came to, he heard voices around him, but no pain. The voices were angry and he couldn’t understand what they were saying.

The white cloud in his head made him feel better, so he let himself fall on it again and the voices disappeared.

-/-

The next time he came to, he felt the soreness on his shoulder first and the fingers in his hair second.

He didn’t open his eyes, taking some time to take inventory of his wounds. He felt bone-tired, but everything seemed to be working. Except his shoulder, when he tried to move his arm, a spike of pain made him groan.

“Don’t move.”

“It hurts.”

“You were shot, you dumbass, of course it hurts.”

He opened his eyes and found Nico laying next to him, his head resting on his hand, watching him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Shut up, Nolan,” he said, his fingers careful in his hair. “You were supposed to be safe with dad.”

“How is he?”

“You took a bullet to the shoulder and you’re worried about him?”

“Well, yeah.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“And you’re bullying me.”

“You deserve it.”

“I was shot,” he whined.

“And I would shoot you myself again but–”

“But what?”

“Nothing. You’re an idiot. You should rest.”

Nolan could feel his eyelids closing, but it was important that he got the next words out.

“Are you staying?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

-/-

When Jake came to check on him later, Nico didn’t move from his side. Jake insisted on seeing him alone, but the look of pure disdain on Nico’s face was enough to shut even Jake up.

“You were lucky,” he said.

“Their shooter was awful.”

“Do you have to argue every single thing?” Nico asked, annoyed.

“Yeah.”

“Can you give him more of that drug that knocked him out earlier?”

“No. But if it hurts too much, you can give him this,” he said. “Only one pill every eight hours, Nico.”

“Why are you giving the pills to him?” Nolan asked, “I’m the one who was shot.”

“I can always hit him in the head and knock him unconscious,” Nico said, reading the prescription.

“That would be bad,” Jake said, patting Nolan on the leg. “And no strenuous activity, children. He needs to rest.”

“Do you really think I’m going to hit the gym now or go for a run?” He was not that stupid.

“He’s talking about sex, Nolan,” Nico said.

“Why would we be having sex?”

“He doesn’t know,” Jake said suddenly and then lost it laughing. “You have got to be shitting me.”

“Is that it?” Nico asked. “Then there’s the door.”

“This is the funniest shit ever,” Jake said, wheezing.

“Do I need to kick you out myself?”

“Oh,” Jake said, sobering up in an instant. “That means TK won the bet. Holy shit, he’s rich.”

“What are you talking about?” Nolan asked.

Jake opened his mouth, but Nico pushed him away.

“Out.”

Shaking his head, Jake stood up and left, yelling for TK.

“What is he talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Nico,” he said, grabbing his arm. His head was pounding and he was still tired, but he didn’t want to watch Nico leave.

“You really don’t know, do you?”

He sat down again next to him and took his hand. He played with his fingers for a moment, and Nolan thought he was not going to say anything.

“I can’t believe you don’t know,” he said in a quiet voice. “Everyone does.”

Nolan looked at him. He was wearing sweatpants and was that Nolan’s green hoodie?

“Are you wearing my hoodie?” he asked. He felt his mind was working slow as fudge, but all he could focus on was Nico. The way his hands were shaking, his eyes jumping all around the room. “Are you cold?”

“No, you idiot.” And then, “I thought I had lost you.”

“I’m fine.”

“I know that _now_,” he said, breathing fast. “When I got there, when I saw that guy pointing at you, the blood on your shoulder–” He didn’t meet his eyes. “I thought you were gone. I’ve never been more scared in my life.”

“I’m fine,” Nolan said for lack of anything better. His heart was beating fast and he couldn’t think straight.

“Stop saying that, it makes me want to punch you.”

“That’s bullying,” Nolan said, “and I’d like to remind you I’ve been shot.”

“I fucking know, I don’t need you to tell me that.”

“Look at me,” he said. “I’m fine, so you need to relax.”

“I can never relax around you.”

“Ouch.”

“You still don’t get it, do you?” he said, sounding exasperated. “Remember when we met?” He rested his head against Nolan’s shoulder, his hand still in his.

“We were eight,” Nolan said, smiling. “I asked you if I could play with you guys and you shot a ball at me.”

“You caught me off guard!”

“You hit me in the stomach.”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you!”

“That bruise lasted for a month. G kept saying I had done something to piss you off.”

“You always let me win at football and always gave me your sweet potatoes even though they were your favourite.”

Nolan remembered. He liked sweet potatoes, but he liked the smile Nico sent his way when he pushed them on his plate much, much more.

“I remember that day, you know? We were playing football on the street with Jesper and he pushed me aside to get the goal.”

“You scraped your knee.”

“Yeah,” Nico said. “And you bought me an ice cream so I would stop crying.”

“I didn’t like seeing you sad.”

“You had just met me.”

Nolan shrugged.

“You’re so soft.”

“Shut up,” he said, blushing. He wasn’t soft. Or in reality, he just soft for Nico. Which was worse, probably. 

“And then you spent the entire afternoon teaching me how to push back.”

“You sat Jesper on his ass the next day. I was so proud.”

Nico smiled.

“I told my dad that night that I wanted to keep you forever,” he whispered against his skin, and Nolan shivered. “And he said that if I did everything right, maybe I could. But I screwed it up.”

“Nico,” he said.

“I thought it was obvious. I thought you knew. I thought you could see it clear as day, just like everybody else, but I don’t think you could,” he huffed. “I mean, I thought– When you started sleeping around, I thought that meant you wanted someone with experience.”

“What– No!”

“But no matter what I did, you never looked at me. Not like that.”

Nolan froze. _Oh_. Fucking hell.

“Nico– I’ve never looked at anyone else since you shot that ball and got me straight in the stomach.”

Nico choked and tightened his hold on his hand.

“You’re never gonna let me live that down.”

“You sucked at football.”

“Jesus.”

Nolan’s laugh was cut short by a yawn.

“You need to rest,” Nico said and pushed him down on the bed again. Nolan missed him immediately.

“I don’t want to.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. 

“You promise?”

Nico turned off the light and, a moment later, laid down next to him.

“You’re mine,” he said, snuggling close, his fingers on his eyelids, his cheeks, his lips. “You’ve always been mine.”

Nolan closed his eyes and let Nico’s presence lull him to sleep.

-/-

Slowly, Nolan recovered from the wound. The exercises were a bitch and they hurt like hell, but he started being able to move his arm without wanting to cry in pain.

Nico and he hadn’t talked again. Or, they _had _talked. A lot. About lots of things. But nothing so serious like that night. Nolan wasn’t sure where that left them, but Nico started sleeping in his bed every night and spending most of his time with him. Also, Nolan had thought he knew what being the centre of Nico’s attention meant. He had been wrong.

Every time Nico entered a room, Nolan’s eyes found him. He knew that. It had always been like that. But now he let himself watch instead of averting his eyes as soon as he caught Nico watching. And oh, Nico liked to watch him. And touch him. He had gone so far as to try and kick TK from Nolan’s side so he could sit down next to him. When TK had refused, a big, challenging smile plastered on his face, Nico had sat down on Nolan’s lap.

Nolan couldn’t process what was going on. PK and Simmers were having the time of their lives.

He thought maybe he should try to fight back, to establish some boundaries. But he didn’t want to. He enjoyed having Nico all to himself and he was tired of denying himself. Maybe eventually he’d recover his senses, but right now he tightened his hold on Nico’s waist and ignored the rude gestures PK was doing. It wasn’t his fault they were immature.

Nico was playing with his hair and telling him about a new bar that had opened downtown. Apparently, it was owned by a friend of the family, so it was safe.

“A place not being safe has never deterred you from going,” Nolan said. “Not even once.”

Nico smiled.

“I’m trying to make you feel better about it.”

“I thought Simmers was in your detail tonight,” he said. He wasn’t back in active duty yet, and even if he were, they hadn’t talked about Nolan going back to his old post.

Nico smoothed the frown on his face with his finger and then let it drop to his nose and his lips.

Nolan sucked in a breath.

“Yes,” Nico said. “But I want you to come with me, silly.”

“Taylor busy?”

“Nop.”

Nolan looked at him and found Nico looking back. More often than not, that was the case. He felt hot all over.

“So… What do you say?”

“Sure.”

As if he could ever say no to him.

Nico’s smile was brighter than the sun, and Nolan thought he wouldn’t mind burning himself if it meant he got to keep him.

-/-

The bar was poorly lit, but the dance floor was packed.

Nolan sat on a booth with a perfect view of the whole place, checking regularly where everyone was. PK on the entrance, Simmers in the next booth (Nico had kicked him out of the one Nolan had chosen), Wood at the bar. Jesper was armed to the teeth dancing with Nico. Nolan checked on them regularly too, but he tried to avert his eyes fast because those moves were not PG13 and Nolan’s jeans were tight enough.

TK dropped next to him with another beer.

“Here, hon.”

Nolan smiled.

“Thanks, babe.”

He checked the club again. PK, Simmers, Wood. Nico. He was looking right back, Jesper hands on his waist and stomach. If one of his hands ventured under his clothes, Nolan was going to cut it.

TK kicked him under the table and Nolan came back to reality.

“Shit,” he said, massaging his eyes. He drank some beer. At least it was cold and it helped a bit with the fire in his stomach.

“Yep, that sounds about right,” TK said.

“I’m in hell.”

“You might as well enjoy it, then.”

“Seriously?”

“You know he won’t stop until you give in, right?”

Nolan shook his head, grabbing the bottle again.

“I thought I already had.”

“Oh, Patty,” he said, patting him in the back. “Anyways, time’s up. The little shit doesn’t like to share.”

Nolan looked up and found Nico staring at both of them. Jesper was nowhere to be seen.

“No need to kick me out,” TK said, laughing. “I’m leaving.” He patted Nolan on the head. “Remember what I said, babe.”

“What did he say?” Nico asked, sitting close to him. His arm found his hair, scratching lightly, and the other went up and down his chest.

“Doesn’t matter, where’s Jesper?”

Nico shrugged and got even closer.

“What are you drinking?”

Nolan grabbed the bottle and Nico took it from his hand, taking a long swing. Nolan knew he was staring, but damn. He had such a pretty mouth.

“You like this place?” Nico asked, the bottle once again on the table.

“It doesn’t matter if I do,” Nolan said, distracted by Nico’s hand near his belt. He grabbed it carefully and put it on his leg. “It only matters if you like it.”

“I like you,” he said.

“Shut up.”

“It’s true, not my fault you can’t handle the truth.”

Nolan shook his head.

“Do you like me?” Nico asked.

“Of course I do, why do you ask that?”

He heard Simmers cough on the booth to his left.

“Dude, you okay?”

“Patty, Jesus, you’re embarrassing.”

“I’m not the one who almost coughed a lung,” he said, trying to check over the booth, but Nico grabbed his head and made him look at him. Somehow, he was closer than before.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Nolan said, laughing softly. “Where’s Jesper?” He was worse than Nico when it came to getting into trouble. And he had a gun.

He checked the dance floor, but it was empty, and then turned to his right, but nothing. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nico roll his eyes.

And then he felt him climb on his lap.

“What do I have to do to keep your attention?” he said, both hands in his hair now, his face inches away from his.

“Uh,” Nolan said.

He knew Simmers was laughing at him because he was sure he’d recognize his laugh anywhere, but all his attention was now on Nico.

“I think… this works,” he said.

“Good,” Nico said. “So, where were we?”

“I… don’t know.”

“You were about to have sex,” Simmers said.

“Right,” Nico said, smiling, his hands going to Nolan’s belt.

“What? No, wait, we weren’t.”

“Patty, man, you’re killing me.”

“Shut up and stop eavesdropping,” he said. He had enough trouble keeping Nico’s hands away from his body to deal with Simmers right now.

“He’s a lost cause, Hisch, you might want to go back to Hallsy.”

“No, thanks,” Nico said and stopped fighting Nolan’s hands.

For a moment, Nolan thought he had won, but Nico licked his throat, and Nolan remembered he could never win with him.

“Nics, seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Shit,” he said when he bit his neck. “Stop.”

“Bad?” Nico asked, stopping. He was looking at him with wide, brown eyes, and Nolan couldn’t find the words to tell him it had actually felt really good.

“He’s freaking out, Hisch,” Simmers said.

“Jesus,” Nolan said, turning his head towards Simmers’ voice, “shut up, man.”

“Ignore him,” Nico said.

“Kind of hard when he’s providing constant commentary on… us.”

“If Hisch were doing something right, then something else of you would be hard.”

“I’m going to fucking shoot you, Sims.”

Nico moved on top of him, and Nolan turned to him, hands on his waist. “Stop it.”

“Not yet,” Nico said. “What am I doing wrong, Simmers?”

“Well, kid, for starters,” he said, “you’re talking to me when you should be putting your mouth to better use.”

“Nop,” Nolan said. “We’re not going anywhere near that.” He pushed Nico off of him. “Stop taking advice from him, and you, Simmers, shut the fuck up.” He went to the bar without looking back.

“Need a beer?” Willy, the owner, asked, while he cleaned a couple of glasses with a piece of cloth. Nolan had met him a couple of times, cool guy, but he was mostly friends with Nico.

“I need you to shoot me.”

“Yeah,” he drawled. “And getting on Hisch’s bad side? Nop, thanks, bud. I’ll get you a beer, though. On the house.”

As soon as the bottle was in front of him, Nolan took a swing, trying to drown the feeling of Nico’s hands on him.

But it didn’t last.

“Are you ever going to stop running away from me?” Nico asked.

“Not sure,” he said, and Nico rolled his eyes.

“Take a long swing,” Nico said, handing him the bottle. “Come on.”

“Why?”

“Liquid courage. Go on.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Nop.”

Nolan grabbed the bottle and took one, two, three long gulps before Nico took the bottle away.

“Come on,” he said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the dance floor.

“I don’t dance,” Nolan blurted.

“Of course you don’t,” Nico said.

Once they were in the middle of the dance floor, Nico grabbed Nolan’s hands and put them around his stomach, moving to the sound of the music.

Nolan’s hands felt hot with want, but he kept them mostly in place.

The problem, as usual, was Nico. Nolan knew nothing about dancing, but he was sure pushing your ass over your partner’s groin wasn’t right. It was hard for Nolan to concentrate because, well, he was getting hard.

“I don’t think this is dancing, Nico,” he said in his ear. The music was too loud, Nico was warm and Nolan felt too much.

Nico’s laugh made him smile.

“It gets the job done,” Nico said, turning around and putting his arms around Nolan’s neck. “I want you.”

“Nico–” he said, but he wasn’t sure where he was going with that. He had forgotten how to breathe and he didn’t know how to use words.

“Do _you_ want me?”

Nolan rested his head on Nico’s shoulder, nosing along his neck.

“What are we doing, Nics?” he asked when he remembered English was a thing he knew.

“I want to do everything to you.”

“I–”

“Just say yes, Nols.”

“What happens when I say yes?” Not ‘if,’ just ‘when.’ Because there was no universe in which Nolan told Nico no.

“I finally get to do this,” he said. And he kissed him.

The kiss barely lasted a second, a quick press of lips. The dance floor was packed and they were soon pushed around by the people who were actually doing what they were supposed to be doing on the dance floor.

Nico cursed and grabbed Nolan’s hand, walking towards the stairs. It was dark and there weren’t many people around.

Nolan had a moment to check they were alone before all his attention was on Nico again.

He pushed him against the wall, hands heavy on his body.

“Yes?” he panted.

“Yes,” Nolan said without thinking. He was tired of always thinking and wondering and wanting from a distance.

Nico grabbed his face and kissed him. It wasn’t sweet or slow. It was fast, and hard, and wet. Breaths heavy and wandering hands. It was years of frustration and wanting and settling for somebody else. It was Nico, hard edges and bright colours, blinding. It was Nolan, steady and dull, like metal.

Later, when they were back home, Nico got on his knees and Nolan came with his name on his lips.

Much later, Nico finished working on a mark, and Nolan smiled.

“How many are you going to leave?” he asked, his hand in his hair.

“One for every time you ran away from me.”

“I don’t think I have enough skin for that.”

“I’ve got time,” was all he said, his mouth busy once again over Nolan’s skin.

And then.

“Are you going to fuck me?” Nico panted. “Or do I have to do all the work?”

Since Nolan’s mouth was busy at the moment, he just looked up at him from his knees.

“I like your mouth,” he said, his hands touching everywhere he could reach. His hair, his face, the back of his neck, his throat. “But I’ve been waiting for years, Nols.”

He had a point.

Nolan let his cock go and stood up. His knees complained, but he didn’t care. He kissed the corner of his mouth buried his hand in his hair.

“How do you want to do it?”

“I don’t care, I just want you.”

“I want to see you, can we–”

“Yes, yes,” Nico said against his lips. “Yes.”

They fell gracelessly on the bed, a mess of tangled limbs and laughs hushed against flushed skin.

Opening him up and putting on a condom was a new experience. Nico was loud as life, and Nolan couldn’t get enough.

Even later, he couldn’t sleep. He was bone-tired, but he couldn’t sleep.

“You’re tickling me,” he whispered.

“It’s not my fault you’re ticklish,” Nico said, kissing his chest, just the ghost of his lips, soft as a butterfly’s wings.

“It’s your fault, you’re touching me.”

“You owe me years of this,” he said, “so I hope you’re ready.”

“I don’t think I can go again tonight.” Nico was insatiable, and Nolan only wanted to please him. He always had. But he wasn’t used to getting this side of Nico, the one that got everything he wanted, how he wanted it. The one who asked, and asked, and asked, and _gave_. The one that made Nolan shiver in anticipation. One touch and he set his skin on fire. Nolan couldn’t get enough.

Nico’s hand got impossibly low, and Nolan closed his eyes, sighing in pleasure.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”

In the morning, there was a knock on the door.

“Is he still alive, brat king?” PK asked.

“Go away!” Nico said, but it was muffled by Nolan’s mouth on his.

-/-

“Kids these days,” Simmers complained when he found them in the kitchen the next.

Nico scowled at him, keeping his cup of coffee close to his face. Nolan didn’t say anything. There was a feeling in his stomach he only felt when Nico was around, or when he smiled at him, or when he looked at him like he was something special. And now, he was afraid it would never go away, that it would slowly expand to the rest of his body and eventually live in every single cell.

He opened his eyes when something hit the table hard. It was a bottle of Gatorade.

“Keep hydrated,” Simmers said, walking away. “And change the fucking sheets. They’re probably disgusting by now.”

Nico hooked his foot around Nolan’s ankle and smiled. It was a quiet, simple thing, just between them.

It made Nolan’s heart ache nonetheless.

-/-

“So,” Nico said.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing!”

Nolan raised both eyebrows at him.

“Why do you assume I did something?”

“Because you’re bringing me a peace offering.”

“It’s just coffee,” he said, blushing.

“So you didn’t do anything?”

“No,” he said, scowling. “But we need to talk.” He rolled his eyes and added. “Before you start freaking out, it’s nothing bad. I still want you, like, all the time. And I don’t think that’s ever going to change.”

Every time Nico said something like that, and it was often because he liked making Nolan blush, he didn’t know how to deal with it. He didn’t know how to deal with Nico, but he was stuck with him. He didn’t know if he could or even _wanted_ to live without him.

“What did you want to talk about?” he said, nudging him when Nico didn’t answer.

“Us,” he said simply. He was always saying things like that. As if there was no room for question. As if they were meant to be and he had no doubt about it.

And maybe he was right. Nolan had a lot of doubts about lots of things. Except Nico. If there was one thing he knew in this life, it was how he felt about him.

“Okay.”

“You and me,” he said, grabbing his hand and playing with his fingers. “We’re it, you know?” He looked to the side, almost shy. But soon he was back to being the Nico Nolan knew, always in control, bending the world to his will. “I don’t want anyone else. I’ve never wanted anyone else. You are it for me.” He poked his cheek with one finger. “I should have told you sooner because you’re obviously really bad at reading the signals.” He rolled his eyes. “But well. I’m saying it now.”

“Okay,” Nolan said.

“Okay? Just okay? Are you kidding me?”

“What do you want me to tell you,” he said, pulling his hand back and following the lines of his palm with his finger. “That you’re the one thing I’m sure of? That you’re everything I want? That I tried living without you and it _sucked_?”

“That’s a start,” he whispered.

“I’ll tell you anything you want, whenever you want,” he said, “because that means you’re keeping me.”

Nico nodded.

“I’m not letting you go,” Nolan said.

“Even if I’m a brat?” he asked, biting his lip.

Nolan smiled. And then he kissed him. Because he could. Because he wanted to.

“The mole is still out there,” Nico said.

“I know.”

“You’re going to get angry if I say I wanna help catch him?”

“No, I’m going to worry like hell. I’m only going to get angry if you lie to me again.”

“I don’t like it when you worry about me.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Well, yeah. But.” He sighed. “I like that you worry about me, but I don’t like it when it hurts you.”

“You’re worth the pain.”

Nico shook his head.

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.”

Nico was a solid weight on top of him. Not knowing where one started and the other ended was a new addiction Nolan didn’t want to find the cure to. He knew Nico knew what he was thinking, but he didn’t think he minded. Their breaths were quiet in the silence of the room, and he was sure their heavy hands would leave red marks for everyone to see. Nico liked it that way. And Nolan liked that he liked it.

Nolan grabbed his fingers and put them one by one on his lips, kissing them softly. When he was finished, he smiled.

“Shut up,” Nico said and kissed him quiet, a million words on his lips.

There was no need to say them aloud, Nolan understood them all.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so if you spot a mistake, kindly point me to it so I can fix it, :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! <3
> 
> passengersinwriting on tumblr for updates (or thisishowgalaxiescollide for hockey) :)


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